Emotional Rollercoaster
21st January 2021
Well….Today I have woken up and I decided to grab the keyboard and share my story with you. I am going to show you the humanity side of myself, the pure reality.
I have convinced myself to accept myself with my weaknesses and talk about them. I do not want to show myself as a superwomen and telling you the sugar coated stories about pushing myself to be a strong, unstoppable mumma.
I feel this place safe to do this because I guess we are all in the same boat as we are all mums.
The reality might be shocking for you as most of you think it is easy for a fitness related person to stay on track motivation and food wise and anyway they are lucky because they look pretty well.
It is NOT ALWAYS easy.
I have completely lost myself about 2 month ago. Me, who loves being active and loves moving, found myself sitting on the sofa in most part of the day and doing nothing.
Restrictions in our life, limited social life , limited time outdoor, cold, dark, winter….all kind of barriers which effected my mood led me to the lack of motivation.
All these problems were not enough, the daily life became chaotic with my 2 years old and the difficulties really pushed me to the edge.
I do agree with calling a toddler as “terrible two” is realistic and fair enough.
So…..let’s get back to the journey.
I have barely slept for 2 month and I tried to deal with horrendous behaviour and incredibly fussy eating habit plus I tried to study for my exam in the middle of the chaos.
I found myself at the deepest point of my motherhood and regularly seen my sobbing face in the mirror. And just sunk deeper and deeper into it.
No energy, no time, no motivation to stay on track.
I am a kind of person who does not function without sleeping so life basically stopped for me.
The pressure just has grown as I was not able to study, because Mira the little monster wasn’t sleeping, which made me really stressed.
Then I experienced something which I have never had before in my life.
I am not a snacking or a sweet tooth person normally and we do eat quite healthy normally. I have turned into a food monster!
My main activity, where my daily steps came from, was walking up and down in the kitchen and looking for food and snack and whatever was edible, I stuffed into my face.
I could eat something non-stop, no matter if it was sweet, spice or salty….all the same.
Obviously my body needed the energy so much to keep me alive and probably the food gave me some kind of comfort and joy in that absolutely unbearable term.
I could not take control of food craving and I felt even more sympathy to Bridget Jones and her eating habits.
I could probably easily eat a horse from emotional hunger.
My daughter sleeps now and I recovered sleeping wise too, so my stress level has dropped. The reality hit me very badly.
The result of my emotional rollercoaster is a bit of wobbly, untoned, soft body and I feel myself like a pillow or a very cute and soft teddy bear from my daughter’s toybox.
Luckily, our 12 weeks Body Transformation program was just about starting. To be in a community with other like- minded , motivational, strong mums is the biggest advantage and support to push myself to get back into shape and I am going to use this advantage to transform my body back to the original condition of it.
In this community the mums support each other, they share tips, ideas, jokes, also struggles.
They brighten up my greyish days and they keep me going too. I feel like I do have accountability for them.
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